Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages 

I don’t know where to start with this one! I thought Abraham Lincoln- Vampire Hunter had already won the trophy for most ridiculous film of the year, but Rock of Ages is a strong contender!

If you like rock – you will hate this! If you like real music – you will hate this! If you liked Burlesque and Moulin Rouge you will probably love this.

REO Speedwagon must be laughing all the way to the bank!

It is a simple  story set in 1987 - girl goes to big city and falls in love ..blah…blah…blah. But set in a rock club in LA. Everyone in the film can hold a tune (which is a step up from Mamma Mia) but the script is dire. And Americans just don’t know how to do 80’s properly!  Sherrie’s hair is all wrong – it needs to be much much bigger than it is (and it is way to styled – this was before the invention of frizz ease!)

Alex Baldwin is a great actor and even he kept a straight face when he has to pretend he is a gay rocker who falls in love with Russell Brand.  I have never met any gay rockers – never mind gay rockers who own a huge rock club and look like hard men. (I am not saying they don’t exist – but I never met one).

Can it get any more ridiculous, I hear you say? Well frankly yes!!  Catherine Zeta-Jones looks like posh spice in the end of the film (keep an eye out or you will miss her!)

And I don’t remember pole dancing bars in the 80’s. Maybe I lead an innocent life…

I know it is supposed to be funny – but it is more laughing at anyone who was a rocker rather than laughing with them. It feels like a cruel joke.

The saving grace of this film is I rather fancy Tom Cruise in it. He is excellent as Stacee Jaxx and I found him rather attractive. I haven’t been able to say that since Top Gun.

Verdict: This is karaoke rock. Do ya really wanna rock??!!!!

By the way: this is how I looked in the 80's. The black was homage to Siouxsie Sioux and the photo with the hideous yellow shirt is an example of my big hair!!